The Boy Slaps the Stranger Across the Face, Videos the Horrified Reaction, and Sends It to All His Chums
Smallworld: with Sylvia Patterson in London
In the past few months, a new “craze” has bowled through London, like no craze as we formerly knew it. Round my way, in the olden days, it was pogo-sticks, Clackers, Rubik’s Cubes and ‘Umbongo, Umbongo, They Drink It In The Congo’. To my knowledge, no one was hurt or arrested in pursuit of these larks, though my sister, once, literally peed herself laughing on a pogo-stick – which would constitute, these days, a children’s playground hazard and 12 months observing an ASBO with a shed affixed to her leg.
This new wheeze, though, is a 21st-Century stormer: it’s called ‘Happy Slapping’. It’s a teenage boy’s sport, it involves technology and it goes like this: boy is excited about having a videophone the price of a second-hand car, boy sees 100 per cent oblivious stranger in a public place (usually much older, male or female), slaps them across the face, videos the horrified reaction and sends it to all his chums, instantaneously becoming the coolest wag alive, and girls want to hang on his every word.
Call me old-fashioned, but this used to be called assault. It’s grim, pitiful stuff, but here’s some encouraging news: trawl the mean streets of cyberspace and The Kids are just as appalled. “I think it will get old and not cool,” writes one, “They’ll wake up and stop being so totally immature.” “It’s a direct result,” scolds another, “of lack of consequence in this country.” “It’s just a London thing,” soothes another, “up north it’s all conkers and Nicky Knocky Nine Doors.”
They’ve contemplated its origins – “from Europe”, apparently – where the sport involves beating up after-hours drunks, filming the event and resulting road-kill and awaiting their peer-judged “score”’. Picked up here by London’s black communities, there’s been sightings in leafiest St Albans, home of the whitest public schoolboys on Earth. Schools, now, are banning the use of videophones because the little guys are impersonating the big guys (eight-year-olds, naturally, find it hilarious). The slappers, now, are being battered in the streets by the grown-ups, who are mad as hell and not gonna take it any more.
Back in cyberspace, a new version seems to involve ice-cream. “A white guy licked another guy with a cone,” observes another voice, “and knocked him out cold. I’ve seen it. Another guy gets superkicked in the face.” And then, the inevitable. “Try slapping me I will shoot your ass. I sleep on the underground and if they try it I will cap one of ’em. I ain’t scared of the cops, I’ll use it. It’s dangerous, but ain’t nobody got my back; I do things alone most of the time.” Is that you, the new Travis Bickle?
“I think the cameraphone in general was a bad idea,” says a sad voice in outer space: “Slapping, filming women without their knowledge, taking pics of car numbers for cloning. They screwed up big-time with this.”
The big-screen mobile phone market, targeted directly at The Kids via games, has a globally projected value of £5.2 billion by 2010.
Hotels in Scotland - A Perfect Stay for Your Adventure
Scotland, known for its picturesque landscapes, rich history, and vibrant culture, offers a plethora of options for travelers seeking a memorable experience. Whether you're exploring the rugged Highlands, strolling through the historic streets of Edinburgh, or embarking on a whisky distillery tour, finding the perfect hotel to enhance your adventure is essential.
1. Luxury Hotels
If indulgence and opulence are what you seek, Scotland boasts an array of luxury hotels that will exceed your expectations. From renowned castles converted into stunning hotels to elegant boutique establishments, these accommodations offer world-class amenities, exceptional service, and breathtaking views. Immerse yourself in the grandeur of Scotland's history while enjoying the finest comforts and experiences.
2. Cozy Bed and Breakfasts
For a more intimate and charming experience, staying in a traditional Scottish bed and breakfast is an excellent choice. These family-run establishments provide cozy rooms, delicious homemade breakfasts, and warm Scottish hospitality. Immerse yourself in the local community, interact with friendly hosts, and gain insider tips on the best places to visit in the area.
3. Eco-Friendly Retreats
For eco-conscious travelers, Scotland offers a range of eco-friendly retreats nestled amidst stunning natural landscapes. These sustainable accommodations prioritize environmental responsibility without compromising on comfort. Explore the beautiful surroundings guilt-free, knowing that your stay contributes to the preservation of Scotland's pristine environment.
4. Budget-Friendly Options
If you're on a tight budget, fear not, as Scotland caters to all travelers. Budget-friendly hotels and hostels are scattered across the country, providing affordable accommodation without sacrificing quality. Explore the vibrant cities and breathtaking landscapes without breaking the bank, ensuring an unforgettable experience without the hefty price tag.
5. Unique and Quirky Hotels
For those seeking an out-of-the-ordinary experience, Scotland boasts unique and quirky hotels that will make your stay truly memorable. From converted lighthouses and treehouses to traditional Scottish bothies, these accommodations offer a touch of eccentricity and adventure. Embrace the unconventional and create stories to share for years to come.
Regardless of your preferences and budget, Scotland offers a wide array of hotels to suit every traveler's needs. Plan your stay wisely, ensuring that your chosen accommodation enhances your Scottish adventure, providing comfort, convenience, and delightful memories.
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