AS DIFFICULT topics go, abortion comes top of the list for many, hovering as it does on the edge of the sexual health minefield, and being so intrinsically a part of many people's core values and beliefs. So it was helpful this week to see Southampton University's new research on the experience of women seeking later abortions.

This highlights the practical issues facing women who find themselves pregnant unexpectedly, and the delays these cause in making decisions about it. These are divided between service provision issues and factors related to an individual woman's situation - perhaps she was using contraception, or is in an unstable relationship, and needs time to decide. Evidence such as this study is vitally needed to inform debate and direct services.

You may comment that "surely it can't be hard to get that information". Yet it's extremely difficult for women to volunteer their feelings and needs around unplanned pregnancy.

To be honest, Scotland is poor at educating people to communicate their needs in an assertive manner. This leaves many to tiptoe around in submission hoping things will work out, and an equal number to trample over others aggressively, demanding their own way.

Assertiveness means stating your position clearly and honestly. It also involves listening to another's position, negotiating and reaching a mutually agreed conclusion - even if that is to differ.

This is, of course, a hard task to master. For me this lack of assertiveness runs right through the abortion debate, from the national level right through to that of individuals facing a necessary decision.

It means that many arguments about abortion are not reasoned debates about the needs of individual women in a very difficult position weighed against the collective need of our society to reach a consensus to deal with abortion in a civilised way.

Rather, they are pitched battles between anti-choice and pro-choice groups.

For individual women, doubts and worries about going through with an unplanned pregnancy or having an abortion can undermine confidence in raising the issue. Many women feel ashamed to express them or fear a negative reception.

So how can assertiveness help? Our society needs to communicate clearly that people have sex, that this is natural, and that it has consequences which individuals need to understand fully.

We need to ensure that information on pregnancy and contraception is available and explained. We also need to improve our abortion services through listening to the experiences of women. We'll never all agree on abortion, but we can't ignore the practicalities involved.