POLICE ARE examining a photograph allegedly showing Jeremy Clarkson talking on his mobile phone while travelling at speed in his car in a motorway fast lane. Innocent until proven guilty and all that. It could be a terrible misunderstanding, a case of mistaken identity. Clarkson could have been driving like a pussycat with his phone law-abidingly switched off, humming along to Classic FM.

But let us proceed, just for a minute, on the not-entirely-counterintuitive assumption that the colourful Top Gear presenter, scourge of the nanny state, cheerleader for the rights of the individual against plodding bureaucracy, miscellaneous fun-spoilers, wimpy environmentalists, caravanners, cyclists, etcetera, has been caught in flagrante delicto. If so, don't expect him to take his punishment on his ample chin with a cowed "Guilty as charged m'lud".

Perish the thought. Instead we'll be treated to a rousing defence of recklessness along the lines of good drivers are perfectly capable of dictating letters on their cell phone while thundering down the fast lane, speed limits are for ninnies, it is slow (mainly vegetarian women) drivers who cause accidents anyway, and so on.

If that fell on deaf ears by way of a plea in mitigation, I wouldn't put it past Clarkson to argue that car accidents are not half as scary as they are made out to be, using the near-death experience of his sidekick presenter, Richard Hammond, as evidence. "Look at Hamster, he's no more tuppence off the shilling now than he was before he crashed at 288mph during our exhilaratingly dangerous, death-defying Top Gear stunt!"

And even supposing Clarkson is charged, what does he have to worry about? I bet he's quaking in his winklepicker boots at the thought of a £60 fine and three points on his licence.

The paltry nature of driving penalties speaks volumes about our car-addicted society's ambivalence to people who break motoring regulations. We are ridiculously soft when it comes to dealing with lame-brain numbskulls of Clarksonesque persuasion. The reason we don't clamp down on them is that so many of us routinely flout traffic regulations that we have rationalised this in our heads as entirely acceptable.

All sorts of otherwise nice, decent, respectable citizens become criminals when you put them behind the wheel of a car. They whinge about congestion charging, speed cameras and other similarly evil council and government initiatives as evidence of an ongoing" war against the motorist". They have a bee in their bonnets about speed bumps, because they force them to slow down or risk wrecking their precious cars. And the minute they think they can get away with it, they drive too fast and take risks.

I nearly choked on my breakfast cereal when I read the judicial outcome of a dreadful accident on the A9 at Dalwhinnie last year, which has just come to court. You take your life in your hands when you use this road. Try to observe the speed limit and you can guarantee some clown will be up your bumper, lights flashing, trying to hassle you out of the way or bullying you into putting your foot down.

In this tragic case, a van driver caused an accident which claimed two lives after making several attempts to overtake a long queue of traffic. He was found guilty of "careless" driving. Careless? Surely causing two deaths is more than careless? He got off with a staggeringly inadequate sentence - a two-year driving ban and a £600 fine - because it was another car (one that had been forced to brake as the van driver forced his way back into the queue of cars) which lost control, and then skidded into an oncoming vehicle.

The sheriff sanguinely observed that it was "inevitable" that on the A9 someone would cause this sort of accident, remarking that "they often get away with it". Too right. Our roads are full of smug, arrogant idiots who are convinced they know how to "handle a car" and who are militant about routinely breaking the law.

Who are these people? Mainly men with powerful cars, or boy racers with suped-up Ford Fiestas. In cities, beware of stressed-out mummies, driving kids to private schools in 4x4s with tinted glass. Heaven help you if you get between them and a ballet class. These drivers are an absolute menace, but most of the time, they go unchallenged.

When I see these people taking risks with all our safety, I fight a strong urge to drag them out of their cars by the throat and bounce their skulls against their bonnets. Lax laws do tend to provoke vigilantism.

But on mature reflection, we just need to get seriously tough with them. Dangerous driving? Send them to prison and release all the sad, petty offenders who ought not to be there in the first place to make space for them. Careless driving? You should lose your licence for life. Speeding, going through red lights and using mobiles phones when driving? Give them a non-negotiable five-year ban.

There are far too many motorists on the road anyway. Swingeing penalties would allow us to get rid of the worst of them.