THERE I was, wracking my brain to come up with some mildly entertaining Wimbledon shorts, only to find that Maria Sharapova had got there before me. For those who have been living on another planet over the last few days, this is a reference to the fact that those lovely people at Nike managed to come up with a fetching little number for Ms Sharapova, along with a "classic" tuxedo style top.

Ignoring such quibbles as when has it ever been remotely "classic" for anyone to wear a tuxedo with shorts, let alone while playing tennis, fashion has clearly been one of the talking points of this year's tournament. Equally preposterous in their own way have been Roger Federer's indulgent white cardigan and the white trenchcoat jacket in which Serena Williams completes her warm-up, while there has even been a mini battle of the shoe brands, with both Andy Murray and Novak Djokovic choosing new trainers after slipping and sliding around at Queen's Club.

It is easy to ridicule the players and fashion houses for such outright gimmickry, but the press has to take its share of the blame. For the prosecution, I simply re-produce this excerpt from Sharapova's post-match press conference after her first round win over Stephanie Foretz. Question 1: "Quite an eye-catching outfit". Q2: "How much do you test drive an outfit before you approve it?" Q3: "What inspired the white tuxedo look?". Q4: "What will you wear next year, if you already know?". Q5: "With all due respect, that top requires a certain type of body to pull that off - do you really expect that to be a big seller off the rack?". Q6: "What did you think of Serena's raincoat and Roger's cardigan?".

And finally, my personal favourite, just for the crescendo of utter desperation it reaches. "You spoke in New York of your love of Audrey Hepburn and Breakfast at Tiffany's ... talk about tuxedos."

In any case, Sharapova's get-up made a more lasting impression than the Russian herself, who tumbled out in the second round to Alla Kudryavtseva, one of 18 other Russian entrants to the female singles, and, going by her post-match comments, not a massive fan of Sharapova's fashion sense either.

It is tempting to conclude that fancy clothing alone can't win you points on a tennis court, but such a claim would not be strictly true either, as poor Nathalie Dechy found in her heartbreaking second round defeat to No 1 seed Ana Ivanovic on Wednesday. For those who didn't see it, Dechy's hat fell off just as she was putting away a volley, only for the stranded Ivanovic to look pleadingly at the umpire and get him to have the point replayed. Perhaps it was fitting that Dechy should have been a hair's breadth from reaching the next round.

TIM HENMAN may be missing from the entrance list of this year's Wimbledon, but he still stalks centre court, pumping his fist at all and sundry. After 15 visits to the singles which covered everything from pathos to pantomime, nice guy Tim has been confined to cosy sofa chats with Sue Barker this year, and it had been hoped that the trademark exhortation "come on Tim" had been retired along with him. But no, clearly someone has decided that reprising this piteous statement at crucial moments - Andy Murray versus Santoro on Tuesday, Djokovic versus Safin a day later - is a gag worthy of the great British comedic tradition. Laugh? I almost pinpointed the culprit and handed him over to a cheerless Octogenerian steward.

However clumsy in its execution, this moment of so-called humour actually highlights a serious point. Whether he is trying to or not - and lofty indifference would seem as good an idea as any - Andy Murray has some way to go before he can fill the giant Henman-sized hole in middle England's affections. That much was clear during the first set of his first round opener against Fabrice Santoro, when sizeable chunks of the SW19's finest preferred to go for a bite to eat rather than get their teeth into the action.

Whether it was those injudicious comments that he wanted "anyone but England" to win the 2006 World Cup, his withdrawal from the Davis Cup meeting with Argentina in February, or merely the fact he has steamrollered all opponents who have strayed in his path, so far Murray seems more admired than loved by the centre court crowd this summer.

Another factor in the crowd's undemonstrative presence this year is the mysterious draconian crackdown which has come into force, with such items as large flags, banners, rattles, klaxons and oversized hats placed on a list of prohibited items, a list which is printed on the back of tickets. Yet even this was unable to stop someone from smuggling in an oversized Belgian flag as a show of support for Murray's second round opponent Xavier Malisse. So poorly did Melisse perform during his 6-4, 6-2, 6-2 defeat that his compatriot must have spent much of the 93 minutes watching from behind it.

SEVERAL forests are pulped every year to provide the paperwork which journalists feast upon at Wimbledon, and from this bewildering array of orders of play, match statistics and interview transcriptions, my very favourite has become the sheet which lists the contents of the Royal Box for our amusement. The diary would never lower itself to the level of puerile guffawing about the names of the landed gentry, and presumably this assortment of Air Chief Marshals and Brigadiers has some relevance to somebody, but it must be pointed out that this year we have already seen a Royal Box Boycott. Yes, former cricketer Geoffrey and his wife Rachael turned up on Thursday. And even he had the good sense not to wear a tuxedo.