AVOID THE Irish. Don't answer the phone if any Georgians call. Tell any Latvian pals you're too busy to see them. Ignore the Icelandics. They'll only be on to rub our noses in it, the whole lot of them. They'll only be trying to kick us when we're down. Down among them, the tiddlers and also-rans of European football. All of them have improved their Uefa co-efficient more than Scotland this season: even Ireland, even Latvia, even Iceland. Switch the lights off and close the curtains, we're officially rubbish.

Just to clarify: last season we were officially great, now we're officially rubbish. One statistic has been impossible to avoid since the fourth of our five clubs crashed out of European competition on Thursday night, that one about 10 games played by our teams without a single victory. Celtic, Rangers, Queen of the South, Motherwell and Hibs have collectively compiled a sorry set of results for the national cause. Celtic still have the chance to repair some of the damage, although parachuting into the Uefa Cup and having a run after Christmas looks their best prospect of doing so. Unless they pull it off we are going to have to pretend 2008/9 never happened.

The five teams' results amount to a body of evidence that confirms Scotland's mediocrity in European football. But let's stop the soul- searching and the self-flagellation. Being mediocre isn't the same as being rubbish. Gordon Strachan was right the other day when he talked about how Scots wallow in depression and negativity. The truth is our club game is not quite as awful as this season's European returns suggest.

The 10 winless games include two in the Intertoto Cup where an unfit, almost holidaying Hibs lost to an Elfsborg side already well into its league season. They include the two defeats endured by Queen of the South, the latest beneficiaries of the unfortunate loophole which permits beaten Scottish Cup finalists to go into Europe rather than the club which finishes fourth in the SPL. No First Division side is equipped to represent the best of Scottish football (what pests they are, continually reaching the cup final). And the 10 without a win also included Motherwell's pardonable defeats against an accomplished Nancy side which missed being one of France's representatives in the Champions League by only two points last season.

There would not be the hand-wringing about Scotland's woeful European results were it not for the fact that the Old Firm, for once, have been unable to bale out the others and stockpile the country's co-efficient points. Celtic did not manage their customary home win against modest Aalborg. If Rangers were to now play the team which eliminated them, FBK Kanuas, it is inconceivable that they would not sweep them aside. Since their numbing win over Walter Smith's side, Kaunas have exited the Champions League and the Uefa Cup, conceded 11 goals, and lost home and away to Aalborg and Sampdoria.

Although a sense of national collapse has been portrayed, in actual fact the Aalborg and Kaunas results against the Old Firm are the only ones in which Scottish clubs have performed worse than expected.

The results have been depressing, but they are not indicative of any sudden decline in the general standard of the SPL and it would be absurd to claim that standards have plummeted in the months since Celtic were jousting with Barcelona in the last 16 of the Champions League, Aberdeen were drawing with Bayern Munich in the last 32 of the Uefa Cup and Rangers were marching all the way to the Uefa Cup final. Remember, all of that happened in 2008.

The Uefa co-efficient scoring system is wearying and tedious but last season the Scottish clubs amassed a final total of 49.52 points. In the current campaign it stands at a pitiful 4.5 so far. The fact is that both campaigns have had freakish elements. Scottish clubs will not usually do as well as they did last season, nor will they be as poor as they have been in this one.

The significance of this season's demoralising sequence is not that it proves some terminal deterioration in SPL standards, nor that it starves us of enough football to see us through the long winter, but that it could have tangible consequences for Scotland's future access to the Champions League and Europa League (as the Uefa Cup will become next season). Scotland are down to 12th in the provisional co-efficient table which will determine entry to the two tournaments from 2010/11. Switzerland, Greece and Belgium are breathing down our necks. If Scotland slips one more place in the table next season's SPL title winners will not go straight into the 2010/11 Champions League group stage.

Things will change next season. This season's SPL champions will go directly into next year's group draw but the runners-up face two qualifying rounds including one against either the fourth-placed team from England, Spain or Italy (Liverpool, Atletico Madrid, Fiorentina?), or the third-placed club from France or Germany (Marseille, Schalke?). Third and fourth in the SPL will go into the qualifying rounds of the Europa League, as will the Scottish Cup winners (or the beaten finalists, despite earlier reports to the contrary).

All of this is complicated enough to bring on a headache for Scottish clubs who are already licking their wounds. They can grieve their defeats, but let's not mourn the death of the SPL. Just put down 2008/9 as a bad year at the office.